Sunday, January 22, 2012

Verbal Diarrhea

A few years ago, well maybe 6-7 years ago. Or was it about 8 years ago? No, no, it was about 5 years ago, maybe 5 & 1/2 years ago. Let's just say it was somewhere between 4 or 5 years ago, I used to work the night-shift for a chain pharmacy located in Tucson. If you haven't worked the night-shift in a chain pharmacy before, especially a pharmacy located in a bad neighborhood (like Tucson), then you won't know that, except for doing a vast amount of refills, most of your night is spent either dealing with drug abusers, shoplifters, or crazy people who can't sleep.

Well, after working this one particular pharmacy for a little while and becoming more known in the community, people started calling me in the middle of the night, just to chit-chat - like I had nothing better to do. Almost every single night, this one older woman used to call me out of concern for her sister's bowel habits. It was like clockwork - the same time every single night that I worked just so she could describe to me the color, frequency, consistency, and smell of her sister's turds to me and to ask what she should do about it. That's right, TURDS.

Now, contrary to what you may think of me, I actually like people. It's just that I'm not much of a chit-chatter. If you've got something important to say, I'm listening. Heck, I sometimes may even be interested. But, when the conversation starts to drone on, gets too boring and filled with inane bullshit, my tolerance level tends to drop drastically and I'm looking to part ways in a hurry.

Of course, it didn't take long to realize there wasn't anything seriously wrong with her sister. This lady liked me, was lonely, couldn't sleep and just wanted to talk. But, I had lots of work to finish, didn't have the time to chit-chat, and truly - just didn't want to listen to her verbal diarrhea. I swear, if I didn't try to interrupt her, she would continue talking for hours. Unfortunately, there were no verbal clues, no body language, no excuses, nothing I could say or do to convince her not to keep calling me.

It even got to the point where I would put her on hold whenever she called, hoping that she would get the message and hang up. But, she would continue to hold forever! It got so bad that I eventually had to bluntly tell her that I didn't want to talk about the subject again, and not to call me anymore.

But, do you think that would stop her? HELL NO! If I refused her calls, she would get in the car with her sister and pull up to the drive-through window at 3AM just to describe her sister's stool, and still want to chit-chat.. through the drive-through window! There was nothing I could do to get rid of this crazy woman. It drove me fucking nuts! Eventually, and for other reasons too, I transferred from that pharmacy to another one located in Phoenix.

No wait.. it was 10 years ago. Or was it 9? No, more like somewhere between 9-10 years ago.

So, when I tell you that I can identify with George Carlin on so many levels, I'm not lying.

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